I used to place the world outside of me, and shoot at everything that I judged to be wrong, and call this political engagement
I learned that everything outside of me is a reflection of my inner world. This means that I am simply not satisfied with myself when I blame Trump, my partner or the weather. Rings a bell?
You might say this is a second-hand spiritual truth somehow, and you might be right. But at least, I track whenever I blame something outside of me. This has now become a big red flag telling me: Hey, start creating an alternative that fixes something that you don’t like!
Let me explain why I believe this is far more nurturing, satisfying and on the long run fully empowers you in your work and the gift you are ready to give to the world.
How can you stop looking at what is ‘wrong’, and pick up the challenge of what feels right for you and gives you joy?
Lets throw in a huge cliche, but one that is, in fact, undeniable: Every change comes from within. This is always the first step. Make time for retreats, workshops, coaching and the like. But this is not all of it. The modality that you choose, should stretch your normality bandwidth. What do I mean with this?
We are all stuck in a story most of the time, a loop as you will. A re-confirming one-sided conversation from ego to mind in our seemingly never-ending conversation with ourselves. It might sound like this:
You see, you fucked up again, how can you be so stupid, you will never learn
hmm, I won't send that email to that coach and ask for the free tutorial, that’s way out of my league, or it might as well be a scam
Why is person X or Y doing this to me? I deserve better!
The list goes on for practically forever. The bad news: people get addicted to their story.. the good news… there is a way out!
In general, this way out is by fully accepting where you are, meeting you there with love and not with making yourself wrong. That’s just the first step, but probably the most difficult one.
The imprints you have from parents, school, teachers and family become part of the image you have of yourself, they will be an intrinsic part of your story. In fact, those voices running in your head might not even be completely yours! scary isn't it?
Until you break out and stretch beyond your story
This break can start with an itchy feeling, a sensation in your belly, a longing, a desire to expand. Or with hitting the bottom, a collapse, a system crash, getting sick, or with one moment of sublime insight.
Everything in life is contraction and expansion. When you contract enough, built up so much tension in your body, for example, your deepest wish and need becomes to release.
Sadly, a trigger has become for many the compensation for a real release. A trigger from the outside world hitting a pain point in yourself. A part of you that you don’t OWN yet. (meaning, you have not made that part conscious enough to not identify with it) And here comes the anger, passive-aggressive silence or withholding of love, the blaming and shaming. Again, you are a full victim of life, nobody really understands you. You might as well crawl in the corner of your miserable life, eat more chips and switch on Netflix again.
The first expansion lies in recognizing this pattern. That your life is basically like this:
numb numb numb numb TRIGGER TRIGGER numb numb numb TRIGGER numb numb …
There is always a choice. To stay with this cardiogram of mediocrity, or pick yourself up. When you are still IN THIS trigger happy the big victim show you call you life, than.. well, start stretching your muscles, like a gym work out.
This means, jumping in a wider range, change the pattern.
Again, reaching beyond your day to day bandwidth, outside the comfort zone, is essential for personal growth. Let that itchy feeling be your guide, recognize the joy of possible expansion behind the initial fear. This requires courage and power: but hey, when you subscribe for that pole dance class, the transformational weekend, the yoga retreat, the men’s circle: you might already feel the joy of meeting your more expanded self. You are on the way on your ninja warrior staying present and open roadmap to creation and empowerment.
Jumping into the unknown, reaching beyond yourself
So you find yourself in that retreat, in that course, with that coach.
You inner story will defend itself till the bitter end. That's called resistance!
At the end of the weekend, you can pet yourself on the back, go home, and find some weeks later that nothing has changed. You didn't make the jump, you didn't expand, the configuration of cells in your body have not changed significantly. For real change, you will need to let go.
yes, letting go.. sounds easy, can be terrifying
It’s like letting go of the rope before a Bungy jump. It is something beyond the mind, beyond your control. Its a wild water raft of your ego and the only thing that’s left is to trust. And it is meeting your resistance, naming it, fighting it, playing it, until it breaks.
There are 2 ways resistance can break. Compare it with a wild stream of water. Either it accumulates in front of some stones blocking a freeflow down the mountain and finally, the force of the volume shifts the stone and there is a break-through. Or the water dissolves in many small streams moving around the stone coming back together after the block.
Beyond any resistance lies expansion, more breathe, opening up, to be able to feel more, the integration of a part that you made wrong. A shadow, a devil, a taboo or just a judgement. When you have made a crack in your story by embracing that part that you made wrong, that you resisted, new light will poor in your body, in your life. You did it, you expanded yourself.
In my personal journey, I discovered that staying open is the main thing, open to life, open to connection, open to source. (source is higher wisdom coming to you, it is the place where ‘truth’ resides).
When I close, I contract, shift easier in a victim story. When I am open, to life, to love, to myself, life pulsates with challenges, with connection, with light, with expansion. Sometimes even everything becomes pretty perfect, there is no separation, life is breathing through me, and I am in full contact with my body. I AM my body. I am the divine, the heart and fuck all together right NOW.
In life, many people got hurt. Their hearts got beaten up, and they closed. Very natural, very logic. Why open your heart again and risking it to be hurt again?
Would you prefer living half within your comfort zone, or step outside, expand your range, and open up to life?
I have the experience that when I did the latter, life, in fact, rewarded me for this step, this courage. Life embraces me when I embrace life! When you decide to do good to life, life will do good to you.
Be the change you want to see
I believe that when I have built my dream, when I walk my talk, I will slowly but surely become the embodiment of the change that I would love to see. In fact, these dreams don't have to be so big anymore, they used to be huge. But i learned this: When I let in that really nurturing high vibrational touch, love and connection from others, I feel nurtured, alive, one, seen, deeply touched and all is complete. Why reaching for the lonely stars all the time when so many gentle hearts are all around me on cuddle distance? Again, the magic is in the connection.
A blown up ego can in fact block people to freely and joyfully give their gift and share their love
My move from blaming to creating/fixing from true connection is a continuation of a transformational journey, the same transformation I see happening all around me in this world. Or am I simply now attracting the creators, life embracers, digital nomads and game-changers since I made that inner shift? Most probably. That’s a positive result of the journey that I chose to embark upon.
Well, so far so good. Another truth is, that when you bring your light to the world, you will be tested by the dark. It is not the easiest way to choose to embrace all that lives within me fully. Sure, I can be in contraction, I can have my Netflix numb out time. But underneath those temporary fallbacks, I feel ready, I choose nothing less since I know the reward is life itself, through connection with others. Because in some weird way, all others are me.
Ibiza, 19–10–19 / Lucien Lecarme
Many of these insights come from HeartIQ circles I was part of at www.heartiq.org An amazing modality that, in full connections with others, is now an anchor for further me&life exploration.